宇宙的历史进程是怎样的？该怎么写一段宇宙简史？

问题主您好！我是“宇宙窥探者”，很高兴回答您关于“宇宙历史进程简史”的相关问题。
遨游星辰大海，破解宇宙奥秘！今天把宇宙137亿年的历史压缩为1年，让我们一起来看一看宇宙、地

不想概括，费劲。我来翻译一下美剧《生活大爆炸》的主题曲好了。（这是完整版歌曲，美剧里是特供缩水版）

The Big Bang Theory Theme 生活大爆炸主题曲

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,

曾经我们的宇宙是一个致密滚烫的小点

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait...

大概在一百四亿年前它爆炸了，走你……

The Earth began to cool

地球开始冷却

The autotrophs began to drool

自养生物开始发呆

Neanderthals developed tools

尼安德特穴居人开始发明工具

We built a wall (we built the pyramids)

我们造了长城金字塔

Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,

数学，自然，历史，欢迎收看走近科学

That all started with the big bang!

这些的起点都是大爆炸

\"Since the dawn of man\" is really not that long

人类发展其实没有多长时间

As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song

在大爆炸之后分分钟，不超过这首歌的长度就已经诞生了星系

A fraction of a second and the elements were made

甚至在不到微秒的尺度上就诞生了元素

The bipeds stood up straight

直到长腿儿的生物开始站起来

The dinosaurs all met their fate

还没反应过来恐龙们就全凉了

They tried to leap but they were late

是的，他们也许尝试扛过灾难，但是当年留给恐龙的不多了

And they all died (they froze their asses off)

卒

The oceans and pangea

那些个海洋呀，一坨坨的大陆板块呀

See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya

没啥个意思

Set in motion by the same big bang!

反正都甩锅给大爆炸就好了

It all started with the big BANG!

对的，就是大爆炸的锅

It's expanding ever outward but one day

宇宙还在一如既往地膨胀，然后……

It will cause the stars to go the other way

这些星星就会开始往回走，宇宙开始收缩（宇宙大收缩假说，类似大爆炸逆转）

Collapsing ever inward, we won't be here, it wont be hurt

继而聚集到一起开始坍缩，不过不用方，我们在这之前早死了

Our best and brightest figure that it'll make an even bigger bang!

我们留下了光辉灿烂的文明可以比肩大爆炸（不存在的）

Australopithecus would really have been sick of us

那些早就灭绝的古猿人一定不喜欢我们

Debating out while here they're catching deer (we're catching viruses)

们当时仅仅发展到对抗草原上的鹿就凉了，我们现在都开始对抗病毒了

Religion or astronomy, Encarta, Deuteronomy

我们现在除了能观看走近科学还能百度

It all started with the big bang!

这些都源于大爆炸

Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology

抖音啊，大神啊，爱因斯坦啊，IGNB啊

It all started with the big bang!

都起源于大爆炸！